I am getting ready for the arrival of my second daughter and in preparation, I have spent a lot of time and thought about something special I can give to my 2 year daughter that will be meaningful and something that she can look at while I am away that will remind her that Mommy loves her too! When she started preschool about two months ago she exhibited the normal separation anxiety that was to be expected. So to help with that, I would give her 'transitional objects', objects used to provide emotional comfort when in a new, unique or unusual situation. One thing that seemed to work well was giving her one of my hairbands that she would wear as a bracelet. In turn, when I gave her one, she gave me one to wear and would bump her wrist into mine like that cartoon from the 70's where they said "wonder twins activate".
So I thought perhaps matching bracelets would be a good idea, but wasn't looking to spend a fortune on something she could potentially lose, she's a toddler! I stumbled across a great website called http://www.thejewelryvine.com/ . I ordered two of the enamel bangles which were absolutely adorable when they arrived and just about the most perfect gift I could think of getting. Check out this website, they have a range of jewelry at all different price points, but super cute items! I will for sure purchase from them again.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Ways You're Screwing Up Your Kids Right Now - Part 2
2. Resent your spouse or significant other
I can't tell you the number of parents who have walked into my office and have told me point blank, "our kids have no idea we are having problems." I will tell you this as clearly as I can, that is a bunch of BULL! One thing to remember, if you take nothing else from the words on this page, is that children know way more than you think they do. They are attuned little things that pick up on everything from words to your non-verbal behavior. Really? Yes, really.
A big source of these problems in couples with young children are related to anger and resentment. So where does all this resentment come from? For us Moms of younger children, I consistently hear the main sources of resentment and anger comes from feeling that our spouses don't share in the domestic responsibilities, our spouses don't pay enough attention to us and that they are insensitive to our needs and concerns. In turn, many Moms internalize these feelings because they feel guilty, bad about bombarding a spouse with these issues upon their returning home after work or simply because they don't feel their spouse will listen, care or change. This internalization of angry feelings often times leads to angry outbursts which the other spouse feels "blindsided" by or full on meltdowns which can also cause the spouse to withdraw. This pattern often times reenacts itself over and over again promoting more distance between the spouses. Most men don't like female rage, it's frightening to them, but there is a more effective solution to the issue. It's called COMMUNICATION.
The tricky part of this it that often times our ability to communicate in intimate relationships has it's roots in our family or origin's communication style and many times these were not the best models. Until you figure this out, you may be reenacting your parents relationship without being consciously aware that your doing that! First step is to think about whether or not your are communicating your feelings about the situation in the moment, and by communicating, I mean talking calmly, not letting it get to the point where you are outlining everything you're pissed off about since the beginning of your relationship 10 years ago. That's a lot for anyone to digest. It means you need to question, am I bringing things up as they happen and in the moment? If you're not, you need to look at that.
Whether you are outwardly fighting, poking passive aggressive jabs at each other or simply avoiding, acting indifferent to or ignoring each other,you are not providing healthy models for your children and they know something is amiss. Your relationship with your spouse sets a model for your children for which they will base future relationships. Your positive relationship with your spouse provides your children with a secure base. A secure base encourages a child's exploration of the world around them. Without worry or anxiety about the security of the two people who are a child's world, a child feels safe to makes these explorations and take appropriate risks. When a marriage is not strong it erodes at the child's sense of security and thus can inhibit his exploration, decrease his confidence and self-esteem and potentially cause a child to act out behaviorally.
I can't tell you the number of parents who have walked into my office and have told me point blank, "our kids have no idea we are having problems." I will tell you this as clearly as I can, that is a bunch of BULL! One thing to remember, if you take nothing else from the words on this page, is that children know way more than you think they do. They are attuned little things that pick up on everything from words to your non-verbal behavior. Really? Yes, really.
A big source of these problems in couples with young children are related to anger and resentment. So where does all this resentment come from? For us Moms of younger children, I consistently hear the main sources of resentment and anger comes from feeling that our spouses don't share in the domestic responsibilities, our spouses don't pay enough attention to us and that they are insensitive to our needs and concerns. In turn, many Moms internalize these feelings because they feel guilty, bad about bombarding a spouse with these issues upon their returning home after work or simply because they don't feel their spouse will listen, care or change. This internalization of angry feelings often times leads to angry outbursts which the other spouse feels "blindsided" by or full on meltdowns which can also cause the spouse to withdraw. This pattern often times reenacts itself over and over again promoting more distance between the spouses. Most men don't like female rage, it's frightening to them, but there is a more effective solution to the issue. It's called COMMUNICATION.
The tricky part of this it that often times our ability to communicate in intimate relationships has it's roots in our family or origin's communication style and many times these were not the best models. Until you figure this out, you may be reenacting your parents relationship without being consciously aware that your doing that! First step is to think about whether or not your are communicating your feelings about the situation in the moment, and by communicating, I mean talking calmly, not letting it get to the point where you are outlining everything you're pissed off about since the beginning of your relationship 10 years ago. That's a lot for anyone to digest. It means you need to question, am I bringing things up as they happen and in the moment? If you're not, you need to look at that.
Whether you are outwardly fighting, poking passive aggressive jabs at each other or simply avoiding, acting indifferent to or ignoring each other,you are not providing healthy models for your children and they know something is amiss. Your relationship with your spouse sets a model for your children for which they will base future relationships. Your positive relationship with your spouse provides your children with a secure base. A secure base encourages a child's exploration of the world around them. Without worry or anxiety about the security of the two people who are a child's world, a child feels safe to makes these explorations and take appropriate risks. When a marriage is not strong it erodes at the child's sense of security and thus can inhibit his exploration, decrease his confidence and self-esteem and potentially cause a child to act out behaviorally.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Ways You're Screwing Up Your Kid Right Now
As someone who works with children and families, I feel fortunate to have had many families come to my office seeking help for a variety of issues. Fortunate, because in the many years I have seen these families they have shared with me the many challenges and struggles they have faced in rearing children. In those stories, have been many valuable lessons that theory cannot teach.
Over the next few posts, I will share the top five things that I consistently hear, perhaps it might cause someone to think a little differently. I will say it has caused me to change my way of thinking for sure.
1. Lack Consistency
This is a biggie. It starts from the time your child comes home from the hospital and continues throughout their childhood. Consistency is essential to the healthy emotional development of children. Why? Well, it teaches children that there are things they can trust in this world, and trust develops a sense of safety and stability and feelings of safety and stability decrease anxiety which allows children to develop in important ways such as socially, academically and physically. Consistency concretely translates into such things as feeding your children at the same time or on demand in infancy, putting your child to bed at the same time every night, being consistent with consequences to mention a few. Keeping routines is an integral part of being consistent as a parent. Kids thrive with routine because they know what to expect which can also begin to instill that important sense of responsibility that we want children to develop as they grow. It's never to early to begin to be consistent with your children.
Over the next few posts, I will share the top five things that I consistently hear, perhaps it might cause someone to think a little differently. I will say it has caused me to change my way of thinking for sure.
1. Lack Consistency
This is a biggie. It starts from the time your child comes home from the hospital and continues throughout their childhood. Consistency is essential to the healthy emotional development of children. Why? Well, it teaches children that there are things they can trust in this world, and trust develops a sense of safety and stability and feelings of safety and stability decrease anxiety which allows children to develop in important ways such as socially, academically and physically. Consistency concretely translates into such things as feeding your children at the same time or on demand in infancy, putting your child to bed at the same time every night, being consistent with consequences to mention a few. Keeping routines is an integral part of being consistent as a parent. Kids thrive with routine because they know what to expect which can also begin to instill that important sense of responsibility that we want children to develop as they grow. It's never to early to begin to be consistent with your children.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Mother's Day - Tory Burch
Because your spouse is probably not trolling the internet for deals on women's fashion and handbags, you can let him know that Tory Burch is offering 25% off most of her site (sorry, excluding the Reva flats and a few other things detailed on the website) until April 30th. It's a pretty good deal, no? It's called the "Friends and Fans" event.
Make it easy on your significant other and tell them what you want this Mother's Day. She does have some cute nylon totes that are great for Moms with young kids with their leaky bottles or sippy cups! If you're fortunate to be out of that stage, there are many other great bags that convert from shoulder bag to clutch! Gotta love a bag that has two functions.
http://www.toryburch.com/on/demandware.store/Sites-ToryBurch_US-Site/default/Default-Start?CAMPID=GOOGLE&gclid=CJr75vO-168CFUbe4AodfmRs_w
Make it easy on your significant other and tell them what you want this Mother's Day. She does have some cute nylon totes that are great for Moms with young kids with their leaky bottles or sippy cups! If you're fortunate to be out of that stage, there are many other great bags that convert from shoulder bag to clutch! Gotta love a bag that has two functions.
http://www.toryburch.com/on/demandware.store/Sites-ToryBurch_US-Site/default/Default-Start?CAMPID=GOOGLE&gclid=CJr75vO-168CFUbe4AodfmRs_w
Alaina Giordano Update
For those of you who haven't followed Alaina's story, she could use some prayers now. As reported by her facebook page, she has spent several days in the hospital and will be moved to hospice. You can read more at her facebook page.
http://www.facebook.com/friendsofalaina
http://www.facebook.com/friendsofalaina
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
"Fifty" ways to escape your life if just for a moment!
I hesitated writing a post about these books since it seemed to me that everyone and their Mother, my Mother included, had read and or heard about them, but I have found that's not quite the case so I thought I would pass it on.
I have to thank my sister for telling me about them a couple of months ago. The books are a trilogy with the first book title "Fifty Shades of Grey" written by E.L. James. For those of you who devoured the "Twilight" series, but were looking for a little more sex early on instead of waiting for the last book, then this is for YOU! There is no shortage of sex in this trilogy, so much so that I found myself forwarding through my kindle at times in book 2 and 3 during the sex scenes since I wanted to get back to what would happen next with the main characters, Anastasia and Christian. The books are like your favorite candy that you can't get enough of and feel somewhat sad when the box is done.
It's only available as an E book right now.
I have to thank my sister for telling me about them a couple of months ago. The books are a trilogy with the first book title "Fifty Shades of Grey" written by E.L. James. For those of you who devoured the "Twilight" series, but were looking for a little more sex early on instead of waiting for the last book, then this is for YOU! There is no shortage of sex in this trilogy, so much so that I found myself forwarding through my kindle at times in book 2 and 3 during the sex scenes since I wanted to get back to what would happen next with the main characters, Anastasia and Christian. The books are like your favorite candy that you can't get enough of and feel somewhat sad when the box is done.
It's only available as an E book right now.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Passover Dessert Recipe - Matzoh Crunch!
This is a REALLY easy recipe and it's highly addictive, so don't say you weren't warned!
What you will neeed:
-4-6 unsalted matzohs
-2 sticks unsalted butter (Kosher for Passover)
-1 cup packed brown sugar (I use light brown sugar)
-3/4 cup chocolate chips
Preheat oven to 375. Line a large cookie sheet with foil first (this can be messy and very sticky) and then on top of the foil line it with parchment paper.
Line the parchment paper with the matzoh (they can slightly overlap one another).
In a large sauce pan, combine the butter and brown sugar. Cook it over medium heat, continuously stirring until the mixture comes to a boil in about 2-4 minutes. Boil for 3 minutes, still stirring. Remove from heat and pour over the matzoh covering completely (you may need to use a spoon to spread the mixture evenly).
Place the matzoh in the oven and reduce the heat to 350. Bake for 15 minutes.
Remove from the oven and immediately sprinkle with chocolate chips. Let it sit for 5 minutes without touching it. Then spread the melted chocolate over the matzoh. Place pans in the refrigerator to chill for several hours. When you remove it, break the large sheet of caramel/chocolate covered matzoh into smaller pieces.
You can get creative and use white or dark chocolate as well as topping the chocolate with nuts or other types of crushed candies. This stuff never lasts long in my house and for good reason, it rocks! Happy Passover!
What you will neeed:
-4-6 unsalted matzohs
-2 sticks unsalted butter (Kosher for Passover)
-1 cup packed brown sugar (I use light brown sugar)
-3/4 cup chocolate chips
Preheat oven to 375. Line a large cookie sheet with foil first (this can be messy and very sticky) and then on top of the foil line it with parchment paper.
Line the parchment paper with the matzoh (they can slightly overlap one another).
In a large sauce pan, combine the butter and brown sugar. Cook it over medium heat, continuously stirring until the mixture comes to a boil in about 2-4 minutes. Boil for 3 minutes, still stirring. Remove from heat and pour over the matzoh covering completely (you may need to use a spoon to spread the mixture evenly).
Place the matzoh in the oven and reduce the heat to 350. Bake for 15 minutes.
Remove from the oven and immediately sprinkle with chocolate chips. Let it sit for 5 minutes without touching it. Then spread the melted chocolate over the matzoh. Place pans in the refrigerator to chill for several hours. When you remove it, break the large sheet of caramel/chocolate covered matzoh into smaller pieces.
You can get creative and use white or dark chocolate as well as topping the chocolate with nuts or other types of crushed candies. This stuff never lasts long in my house and for good reason, it rocks! Happy Passover!
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