Today my daughter and I had a lunch out with my daughter's nanny who is leaving for a job in California. It feels funny calling her a nanny because what she really became was part of our family. She watched my daughter from the time she was 6 and a half months old. She was there for her first steps and first words. She treated my daughter like family and we all in turn grew to love her like family.
I still remember the day I met her at the Starbucks by my home. My Mom was in town visiting so she came with me to interview her. I knew we had struck gold when we found her, I felt it in my gut. She was in her mid 20s, energetic, personable, genuine, reliable, funny and to top that off, a nurse on the postpartum unit at a nearby hospital. Why did she want to watch an infant for a day and a half a week? She told me she actually really liked kids and wanted something that wasn't stressful in the same way that work could be at times. I feared immediately that she was overqualified and would leave us immediately, but that didn't happen. She stayed until my daughter was ready to move onto preschool.
She spent her days with my daughter always doing something fun for kids. Going to parks, playgrounds, the mall, lunch, taking her anywhere and everywhere, we trusted her completely. She handled my daughter with love, affection and with ease. When I came home from work we would always chat for awhile about their day together, but also about what was going on in our lives. As a new Mother, leaving my daughter for a full day with anyone initially left me with tons of anxiety, but with her, I never felt that. I always had the feeling that she could handle everything, sometimes better than I felt I could.
My daughter loves her which was clear today when she saw her. After having started preschool, she hasn't seen her in a couple of months, but when she saw her she lit up. It was "JoJo", my daughter's nickname for her. My daughter snuggled up to her and hugged her with pure delight, she was squealing, and I was getting emotional. My daughter was growing up. But here in front of me was someone that I hadn't realized I had become so attached to and grown to care so much about because she cared for the most precious thing I could ever have in this world, my daughter. As I watched my daughter hug her goodbye in the parking lot, I could feel a lump in my throat, but the full waterworks were getting close when JoJo went to leave and my daughter ran after her to her to give her one more hug. She loves her, I could see it, and it made me feel so many different emotions from being grateful to having someone so special watch my daughter to being so sad that she was leaving. We watched JoJo go to her car and my daughter said "we watch JoJo", so we stood in the parking lot waiting for her to pass us in her car as we waved our final goodbye. I strapped my daughter into her carseat, got into the car and started to cry. I didn't realize how attached I had become because essentially in taking such wonderful care of my daughter, she took care of me too and for that, I am truly grateful.
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Another WTF Mom story
You've probably heard by now about the NJ Mom who took her 5 year old, FAIR SKINNED, daughter to the tanning salon. Well, here's the story and the pictures tell it pretty darn well!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2138197/New-Jersey-mother-Patricia-Krentcil-arrested-daughter-5-burned-tanning-booth.html?ICO=most_read_module
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2138197/New-Jersey-mother-Patricia-Krentcil-arrested-daughter-5-burned-tanning-booth.html?ICO=most_read_module
Dentist pulls ALL of her ex's teeth!
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned...my husband was kind enough to share this story with me. What was this guy thinking going to his ex for dental work?
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2136265/Dentist-Anna-Mackowiak-pulled-ALL-boyfriend-Marek-Olszewski-s-teeth-dumped-her.html
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2136265/Dentist-Anna-Mackowiak-pulled-ALL-boyfriend-Marek-Olszewski-s-teeth-dumped-her.html
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Gift idea for your older daughter when the second child arrives
I am getting ready for the arrival of my second daughter and in preparation, I have spent a lot of time and thought about something special I can give to my 2 year daughter that will be meaningful and something that she can look at while I am away that will remind her that Mommy loves her too! When she started preschool about two months ago she exhibited the normal separation anxiety that was to be expected. So to help with that, I would give her 'transitional objects', objects used to provide emotional comfort when in a new, unique or unusual situation. One thing that seemed to work well was giving her one of my hairbands that she would wear as a bracelet. In turn, when I gave her one, she gave me one to wear and would bump her wrist into mine like that cartoon from the 70's where they said "wonder twins activate".
So I thought perhaps matching bracelets would be a good idea, but wasn't looking to spend a fortune on something she could potentially lose, she's a toddler! I stumbled across a great website called http://www.thejewelryvine.com/ . I ordered two of the enamel bangles which were absolutely adorable when they arrived and just about the most perfect gift I could think of getting. Check out this website, they have a range of jewelry at all different price points, but super cute items! I will for sure purchase from them again.
So I thought perhaps matching bracelets would be a good idea, but wasn't looking to spend a fortune on something she could potentially lose, she's a toddler! I stumbled across a great website called http://www.thejewelryvine.com/ . I ordered two of the enamel bangles which were absolutely adorable when they arrived and just about the most perfect gift I could think of getting. Check out this website, they have a range of jewelry at all different price points, but super cute items! I will for sure purchase from them again.
Ways You're Screwing Up Your Kids Right Now - Part 2
2. Resent your spouse or significant other
I can't tell you the number of parents who have walked into my office and have told me point blank, "our kids have no idea we are having problems." I will tell you this as clearly as I can, that is a bunch of BULL! One thing to remember, if you take nothing else from the words on this page, is that children know way more than you think they do. They are attuned little things that pick up on everything from words to your non-verbal behavior. Really? Yes, really.
A big source of these problems in couples with young children are related to anger and resentment. So where does all this resentment come from? For us Moms of younger children, I consistently hear the main sources of resentment and anger comes from feeling that our spouses don't share in the domestic responsibilities, our spouses don't pay enough attention to us and that they are insensitive to our needs and concerns. In turn, many Moms internalize these feelings because they feel guilty, bad about bombarding a spouse with these issues upon their returning home after work or simply because they don't feel their spouse will listen, care or change. This internalization of angry feelings often times leads to angry outbursts which the other spouse feels "blindsided" by or full on meltdowns which can also cause the spouse to withdraw. This pattern often times reenacts itself over and over again promoting more distance between the spouses. Most men don't like female rage, it's frightening to them, but there is a more effective solution to the issue. It's called COMMUNICATION.
The tricky part of this it that often times our ability to communicate in intimate relationships has it's roots in our family or origin's communication style and many times these were not the best models. Until you figure this out, you may be reenacting your parents relationship without being consciously aware that your doing that! First step is to think about whether or not your are communicating your feelings about the situation in the moment, and by communicating, I mean talking calmly, not letting it get to the point where you are outlining everything you're pissed off about since the beginning of your relationship 10 years ago. That's a lot for anyone to digest. It means you need to question, am I bringing things up as they happen and in the moment? If you're not, you need to look at that.
Whether you are outwardly fighting, poking passive aggressive jabs at each other or simply avoiding, acting indifferent to or ignoring each other,you are not providing healthy models for your children and they know something is amiss. Your relationship with your spouse sets a model for your children for which they will base future relationships. Your positive relationship with your spouse provides your children with a secure base. A secure base encourages a child's exploration of the world around them. Without worry or anxiety about the security of the two people who are a child's world, a child feels safe to makes these explorations and take appropriate risks. When a marriage is not strong it erodes at the child's sense of security and thus can inhibit his exploration, decrease his confidence and self-esteem and potentially cause a child to act out behaviorally.
I can't tell you the number of parents who have walked into my office and have told me point blank, "our kids have no idea we are having problems." I will tell you this as clearly as I can, that is a bunch of BULL! One thing to remember, if you take nothing else from the words on this page, is that children know way more than you think they do. They are attuned little things that pick up on everything from words to your non-verbal behavior. Really? Yes, really.
A big source of these problems in couples with young children are related to anger and resentment. So where does all this resentment come from? For us Moms of younger children, I consistently hear the main sources of resentment and anger comes from feeling that our spouses don't share in the domestic responsibilities, our spouses don't pay enough attention to us and that they are insensitive to our needs and concerns. In turn, many Moms internalize these feelings because they feel guilty, bad about bombarding a spouse with these issues upon their returning home after work or simply because they don't feel their spouse will listen, care or change. This internalization of angry feelings often times leads to angry outbursts which the other spouse feels "blindsided" by or full on meltdowns which can also cause the spouse to withdraw. This pattern often times reenacts itself over and over again promoting more distance between the spouses. Most men don't like female rage, it's frightening to them, but there is a more effective solution to the issue. It's called COMMUNICATION.
The tricky part of this it that often times our ability to communicate in intimate relationships has it's roots in our family or origin's communication style and many times these were not the best models. Until you figure this out, you may be reenacting your parents relationship without being consciously aware that your doing that! First step is to think about whether or not your are communicating your feelings about the situation in the moment, and by communicating, I mean talking calmly, not letting it get to the point where you are outlining everything you're pissed off about since the beginning of your relationship 10 years ago. That's a lot for anyone to digest. It means you need to question, am I bringing things up as they happen and in the moment? If you're not, you need to look at that.
Whether you are outwardly fighting, poking passive aggressive jabs at each other or simply avoiding, acting indifferent to or ignoring each other,you are not providing healthy models for your children and they know something is amiss. Your relationship with your spouse sets a model for your children for which they will base future relationships. Your positive relationship with your spouse provides your children with a secure base. A secure base encourages a child's exploration of the world around them. Without worry or anxiety about the security of the two people who are a child's world, a child feels safe to makes these explorations and take appropriate risks. When a marriage is not strong it erodes at the child's sense of security and thus can inhibit his exploration, decrease his confidence and self-esteem and potentially cause a child to act out behaviorally.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Ways You're Screwing Up Your Kid Right Now
As someone who works with children and families, I feel fortunate to have had many families come to my office seeking help for a variety of issues. Fortunate, because in the many years I have seen these families they have shared with me the many challenges and struggles they have faced in rearing children. In those stories, have been many valuable lessons that theory cannot teach.
Over the next few posts, I will share the top five things that I consistently hear, perhaps it might cause someone to think a little differently. I will say it has caused me to change my way of thinking for sure.
1. Lack Consistency
This is a biggie. It starts from the time your child comes home from the hospital and continues throughout their childhood. Consistency is essential to the healthy emotional development of children. Why? Well, it teaches children that there are things they can trust in this world, and trust develops a sense of safety and stability and feelings of safety and stability decrease anxiety which allows children to develop in important ways such as socially, academically and physically. Consistency concretely translates into such things as feeding your children at the same time or on demand in infancy, putting your child to bed at the same time every night, being consistent with consequences to mention a few. Keeping routines is an integral part of being consistent as a parent. Kids thrive with routine because they know what to expect which can also begin to instill that important sense of responsibility that we want children to develop as they grow. It's never to early to begin to be consistent with your children.
Over the next few posts, I will share the top five things that I consistently hear, perhaps it might cause someone to think a little differently. I will say it has caused me to change my way of thinking for sure.
1. Lack Consistency
This is a biggie. It starts from the time your child comes home from the hospital and continues throughout their childhood. Consistency is essential to the healthy emotional development of children. Why? Well, it teaches children that there are things they can trust in this world, and trust develops a sense of safety and stability and feelings of safety and stability decrease anxiety which allows children to develop in important ways such as socially, academically and physically. Consistency concretely translates into such things as feeding your children at the same time or on demand in infancy, putting your child to bed at the same time every night, being consistent with consequences to mention a few. Keeping routines is an integral part of being consistent as a parent. Kids thrive with routine because they know what to expect which can also begin to instill that important sense of responsibility that we want children to develop as they grow. It's never to early to begin to be consistent with your children.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Mother's Day - Tory Burch
Because your spouse is probably not trolling the internet for deals on women's fashion and handbags, you can let him know that Tory Burch is offering 25% off most of her site (sorry, excluding the Reva flats and a few other things detailed on the website) until April 30th. It's a pretty good deal, no? It's called the "Friends and Fans" event.
Make it easy on your significant other and tell them what you want this Mother's Day. She does have some cute nylon totes that are great for Moms with young kids with their leaky bottles or sippy cups! If you're fortunate to be out of that stage, there are many other great bags that convert from shoulder bag to clutch! Gotta love a bag that has two functions.
http://www.toryburch.com/on/demandware.store/Sites-ToryBurch_US-Site/default/Default-Start?CAMPID=GOOGLE&gclid=CJr75vO-168CFUbe4AodfmRs_w
Make it easy on your significant other and tell them what you want this Mother's Day. She does have some cute nylon totes that are great for Moms with young kids with their leaky bottles or sippy cups! If you're fortunate to be out of that stage, there are many other great bags that convert from shoulder bag to clutch! Gotta love a bag that has two functions.
http://www.toryburch.com/on/demandware.store/Sites-ToryBurch_US-Site/default/Default-Start?CAMPID=GOOGLE&gclid=CJr75vO-168CFUbe4AodfmRs_w
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