Sunday, May 15, 2011
Another post from my friend.
A couple of weeks ago, during my boys' spring break I was lucky enough to have grandparents staying at my home to help us out with daycare. During this time I had what Oprah would call a major "Aha Moment." I was at work at 4:15 and got a message that my 4:00pm appointment wouldn't be there until 4:30. Now normally, this would put me in a panic. How will I pick up the boys, get them home and have dinner ready before meltdown time if I don't get out of here until 5:30? Instead, I knew my in-laws were at the house and they would take care of everything. Suddenly, I realized what it must be like to be my husband. I have to work late, no problem, someone else will take care of things.
Just to be clear, I have a husband who shares in the responsibilities. He helps get the kids ready in the morning, shares in the drop off, helps get them ready for bed and gets up in the middle of the night when the baby cries. That being said, while we both work and earn comparable incomes, I continue to be responsible for all of the designated "female" jobs. I do the food shopping, make dinner every night, clothes shopping, scheduling, and make sure that when we go to a party we have our birthday present/bottle of wine/house warming gift/required pot luck dish etc... I worry about where we're going to send the kids to camp in the summer and what we'll do with our weekends to get out of the house. Have we seen the grandparents enough? Are we volunteering enough at the schools?
And sometimes I have to say, "It's not fair!" But the more I ask around, it's also not unusual. This is the case for almost every working Mom I know.
So the question is why? Is is just instinct for women to take this over in the relationship? I mean, I didn't marry my husband until he was 30 years old. He had lived on his own for many years and was quite capable of doing the cooking, cleaning, shopping, and planning. So how did I end up with all of these responsibilities?
Once I start to askwhat, why and how, I have to wonder what are the reprecussions? On my family? At work?
I guess that's a rant for another day...
Posted by theempatheticmom at 10:07 AM