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Saturday, March 19, 2011

Scene on the Street- I said I wouldn't judge, but I lied

The other day I was at the gym and was waiting for the woman cleaning the treadmills to be done so I could hop on one.  I have been getting on the treadmills that face the kids zone and on the same floor so I can hear my daughter.  There were some issues friends of mine had with one particular child care provider at the kids zone and she was there this particular day, so I felt more comfortable being close.

When the woman was done cleaning the treadmill she gave me the okay and I got on.  Moments later with my headphones on I could hear a child screaming and I mean REALLY SCREAMING.  I took my headphones off immediately, and recognized it wasn't my daughter.  It  really is amazing that you know your own child's cries almost instantly, nature is incredible.  The woman who had been cleaning the treadmill noticed what I was doing, looked at me and said, "don't worry that's not your baby.  This little boy does this everyday."  She was right, I do hear this same cry everyday that I am at the gym.  It's never that complaining cry that turns off easily, it's always a loud truly in distress cry.

She continued to say, "this little boy does this everyday. Sometimes, I help them go find his Mother because she never answers to the messages to come to the kids zone over the loud speaker.  When we go get her she's all pissed off telling us, HE HAS TO LEARN.  And get this, she's about seven months pregnant and he just turned one year.  And the past three weeks have been so bad that he gets himself so upset he throws up all over himself".   WHAT!?!?

The kids zone has a rule that if you are paged over the loud speaker, it means you must come immediately to tend to you child because he's either pooped, uncomfortable, hungry, crying or just out of control.  According to this woman, this Mother is called everyday (yes, I've heard the announcements), and before I said another word, she confirmed who I thought it was.  There is this very pregnant woman, who comes down usually a while after I hear that screaming with her yoga mat looking pissed off.   Then she confirmed my identification of this Mother, "she is always so mad that her yoga class has been disrupted".  Immediately, I was pissed at this Mom and wanted to scoop up that child and comfort him.   That's his Mother, ugh!

Having worked with children for so many years, I am a huge child advocate.  After having a child, I have now become a Mom advocate, but this Mom sucks.  Hands down, sucks.  I feel sorry for her child and her future spawn.  I can name 15 days over the past month (everyday I was there over the past month) that I have been at that gym hearing that baby crying inconsolably , but according to the woman who was cleaning it's been months.

  I don't know how you can leave your child and go about your business when they are clearly in distress for months as this Mom has allegedly done.  Unfortunately, children don't get a choice of who will end up being their Mom.  Babies are so innocent when the make their entrance into the world, full of potential, but this Mom is basically setting the stage for some screwed up dynamics later in life.  Children don't just get 'used to it', they develop self-soothing/coping skills over time, they need help and every child is different and needs a parent who can adjust to that individual child's temperament and personality which will help that child to gain the confidence he needs to explore the world and relationships with confidence.

  Perhaps this Mom has some unrealistic expectations of what her one year old son is capable of doing at this stage.  She could be depressed, she could have a lot of stuff going on in her life as well, but to let this go on as long as it has is a big problem and it's impacting this little peanut to the point where he is throwing up in the kid's zone!  How do you leave your kid consistently knowing that the situation is causing him to throw up because he's so upset???  The question is, who's role is it to have a talk with this Mother? 

  A good idea might be to blow off that work out and spend a week getting your child acclimated to this environment spending less and less time with him in the room until he becomes more comfortable with the separation.  To make this time investment will serve both this Mother and her son well, she will get her full work out in  and he may enjoy his time amongst the other children not fearing that she won't return.  This Mother is creating a child who will have an insecure/ambivalent attachment or potentially one that is avoidant.  Way to go Yoga Mom...aren't you guys supposed to be full of love and peace?

I would love to hear your thoughts on this one....please post comments.

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